Of an urge to whine....
Shouldn't, but I'm going to anyway.
It's my birthday. Whoopie. I don't know why I'm disappointed - I didn't expect anything, and I stopped expecting things after my 21st. Not many made any particular effort then, and not many make one now. So my expectations have lowered. A lot.
... but I'm still disappointed. It's not like I expect (or even /want/) a big party, a fancy cake and a mound of gifts I can't see over, but I'd like to see a little effort made, you know? Some little surprise here and there, something I don't necessarily see coming.
I think I'm 26. Milestone? What milestone? But a lot of my family is busy, my extended family either doesn't know or is busy (not that I actually expect anything from that quadrant), and my very few friends ... well. They have their own lives, and it's not as if I always remember their day. So it's just another day. And I'm disappointed, and disgusted (mostly at myself for being disappointed), and well-meaning efforts just ... don't seem to mean anything, even though I do appreciate them.
Maybe it's that when I /do/ sort something out, I tend to want to make an effort - not to show that I've noticed and remembered, that's just shallow - but because I like to surprise people, to see them happy. I put a lot of effort into it, and it's worth it to me to see the returns in smiles, if not in words.
I don't like the reasons I'm coming up with for why no one seems to think enough of me to do the same, and I don't like that either, because it feels selfish. I don't want to be selfish.
I'm disallowing comments. No point leaving an opening for anyone to encourage me to whine. Now, where did I put that cheese....
It's my birthday. Whoopie. I don't know why I'm disappointed - I didn't expect anything, and I stopped expecting things after my 21st. Not many made any particular effort then, and not many make one now. So my expectations have lowered. A lot.
... but I'm still disappointed. It's not like I expect (or even /want/) a big party, a fancy cake and a mound of gifts I can't see over, but I'd like to see a little effort made, you know? Some little surprise here and there, something I don't necessarily see coming.
I think I'm 26. Milestone? What milestone? But a lot of my family is busy, my extended family either doesn't know or is busy (not that I actually expect anything from that quadrant), and my very few friends ... well. They have their own lives, and it's not as if I always remember their day. So it's just another day. And I'm disappointed, and disgusted (mostly at myself for being disappointed), and well-meaning efforts just ... don't seem to mean anything, even though I do appreciate them.
Maybe it's that when I /do/ sort something out, I tend to want to make an effort - not to show that I've noticed and remembered, that's just shallow - but because I like to surprise people, to see them happy. I put a lot of effort into it, and it's worth it to me to see the returns in smiles, if not in words.
I don't like the reasons I'm coming up with for why no one seems to think enough of me to do the same, and I don't like that either, because it feels selfish. I don't want to be selfish.
I'm disallowing comments. No point leaving an opening for anyone to encourage me to whine. Now, where did I put that cheese....
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